Caught between a rattlesnake and a poodle dog

The fire-scarred hills of Southern California lay home to a vicious creature whose sole purpose is to attack trail hikers and threaten their mental stability. A solo member of the species, although seemingly unharmful, is capable of causing extreme pain and discomfort. The potential damage that a single member is capable of inflicting is only exacerbated by the fact that these beasts hunt in packs, large packs. They crowd the trail seeking sweet human blood, remaining motionless, patiently waiting for a body to step close enough. With their long limbs, they reach, swipe, and slash, poisoning upon contact. It's a slow poison, but an unforgiving one nonetheless, causing insufferable rashes and blisters. The beastly creature is known as a Poodle Dog.
"We are either the craziest mother fuckers or the dumbest mother fuckers for taking on poodle dog bush in the dark," I yelled to Simba, Rainmaker, and Drama Queen at the top of my lungs amidst other sleeping hikers upon walking into camp. Poodle dog bush is hard enough to navigate in the light let alone pitch darkness. Step around. It's height ranges anywhere from ankle high to over head. Stop. One foot. Next foot. Side step through. It's breadth can be anywhere from a single stemmed growth to a huge bushy and reaching bush. Arms overhead. Be skinny as a pencil. The plant's fine, toxic hairs are just as transferable through contact with clothes or hiking poles as they are by touching the leaves. Climb on a rock. Shit! Foot slipped! Sliding down hill. POODLE!!! Give me the water! Give me the water! Traversing a poodle infested trail is a slow process, especially in the areas they label "impassable." Keep your head down and scan the ground. Dark hazy shadow appears out of nowhere. SHIT! Head dodge! Phew. Almost took poodle dog to the face. And don't forget, watch out for the poodle dog in the brush.
The trail from Wrightwood to Agua Dulce was mostly a cluster of poodle dog. Luckily, two detours saved us from what the mapped called a poodle dog bath. After two days of sidestepping the demon babies of forest fires, the trail provided us with a splash of magic. We made it to camp just as the sun was setting behind the distant mountains. The skies were painted the most beautiful orange and pink. It was a good night. We had escaped the vicious poodle dog without a single rash or blister and entered the gates of Hiker Heaven the evening of May 28th.